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10 Facts About the Adult Bullying Mindset

1. Bullies will take any slight, real or imagined and use it as a weapon against their victims. Another favorite trick is where a bully invents a crime and accuses the victim of committing it.

2. Bullies are convincing liars and are adept at getting innocent people to do their dirty work. Often, the innocent party has does not see the manipulation.

3. Bullies will form alliances with anyone who will help them attain their aims. Later, they can turn on their former ally at the blink of an eye.

4. When confronted, a bully may tell those in power that your experiences are false. Just as you cannot prove (in a one-on-one situation) what the bully says is false, neither can the bully show what you have said is untrue. It is an indefensible position.

5. The purpose of the bully is to cause psychological damage and mental suffering.

6. If you are dealing with a workplace bully, know this: In over 75% of situations, the targeted individual leaves. No matter how much you love or value your job, it is not worth it to fight a bully. The psychological damage can be devastating over time.

7. It is important to know that a bully is not a normal human being. They get off on the fight, and anything you do to fight back is fuel for the bully. They love the conflict and want it to continue.

8. In many publications, you will discover that the bully suffers from one or more types of personality disorders.

9. The effects of bullying are far worse than most people realize, especially in childhood.

10. The bully has a mindset where they must win at all costs. I wound up dealing with a bully in Mexico who stole my damage deposit. I fought back.

At one point, the bully was chasing me with three lawyers. When it came time to agree to give me my money back, he sent me a legal document, which was full of blackmail and extortion. I refused to sign it, and this infuriated the bully.

Around the same time, I learned the only way to win was to lose, which meant to walk away and never return. I did that, and the bully screamed at me through email for months, before he quit. A year later, he returned and tried to lure me back into the fight. I ignored him, and he finally gave up.

The bottom line is this, if you want to recover from the trauma of bullying, you MUST get the bully out of your life. If you do not, it will be difficult, if not impossible, to recover.

When the Bully is No Longer in Your Life

For some people, getting the bully out of their lives is enough and they will begin to recover. Others have been traumatized by the ongoing harassment which has caused a psychological injury, sometimes known as PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

If this has happened to you, you know you’re in trouble. Fortunately, help exists. I work with Hamish Bayston, a coach who specializes in working with victims of bullying. With his coaching, you can remove the trauma of bullying from your life, change your limiting beliefs, stop the obsessive thinking and begin to live a normal life, free of the trauma of bullying.

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